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How To Reply To Your Gymnast After She’s Had A Dangerous Meet – Stick It Lady LLC

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Dangerous meets occur.

In truth they occur to even the perfect gymnasts on this planet.

How To Respond To Your Gymnast After She's Had A Bad Meet

Some gymnasts deal with the frustration of dangerous meets higher than others which might generally make recovering from a disappointment like this simpler for them.

And different gymnasts take a very long time to beat their emotions of frustration or anger or specific actually large feelings after a foul meet.

In both case, it is essential that you just, as her mum or dad, discover ways to reply to your gymnast in a useful means after she’s had a disappointing meet.


So what makes a meet “dangerous?”

Whereas I hate utilizing the phrase “dangerous” to explain meets, a lot of the gymnasts I speak to categorize their meets on this means.

What does “dangerous” imply to a gymnast?

Relying in your gymnast, a “dangerous” meet may imply that she does not dwell as much as her personal expectations or these of her coaches. It may imply a fall on a routine or letting nerves get the perfect of her whereas competing. Or it may very well be not inserting the place she desires to position.

Consequently, it is essential that you just perceive your gymnast and know her triggers.

A method to do that is to replicate again on meets when your gymnast felt upset and keep in mind how she responded after her meet. Did she shut down (“I do not wish to speak about it”)? Did she snarl or have an indignant face and disposition? Did she cry within the automotive on the way in which dwelling? Recognizing the indicators of a “dangerous” meet on your gymnast is a vital first step in understanding how to answer her. 

Subsequent, it is essential that you just acknowledge the way in which by which your gymnast copes.

Does she wish to cry it out after which go for ice cream and feels higher? Does she maintain her unfavourable emotions in and allow them to get greater and greater till she lastly blows up? Does she shut down and stay silent and never speak about it in any respect?

Each gymnast has her personal model of coping. The aim is to acknowledge what your gymnast’s coping technique is so that you may be empathetic and supply the very best assist to assist her after she’s had a foul meet. 

In case your gymnast’s coping model is unfavourable or does not enable her to deal with her disappointment successfully, then you definitely would possibly discover methods to assist her cope higher. Nevertheless, the aim is to not resolve what’s finest on your gymnast however relatively to permit your gymnast to really feel her emotions and discover ways to cope together with her emotions in a means that is sensible to her. Some gymnasts want days to recover from their disappointment whereas others can instantly bounce again. Neither is healthier. They’re simply completely different. 


As her mum or dad, there are some essential issues to recollect in the case of responding to your gymnast after she’s had a foul meet:

 1. Do not invalidate her emotions

“Oh, it wasn’t that dangerous” or “Cheer up” or “May have been worse” are all methods of invalidating the frustration or anger your gymnast is feeling after a foul meet.

Whereas you don’t need her to dwell on these unfavourable emotions, it is essential that she feels them. In case your gymnast did not do in addition to she would have appreciated at her meet, she positively must really feel her emotions about it earlier than shifting on.

Give your gymnast the house to really feel these emotions by not leaping in to make her really feel higher. A easy hug on the finish of her meet will do with out the commentary or recommendation. Lending a listening ear can also be essential to permitting your gymnast to vent if she chooses. Keep in mind how I stated earlier than that it is essential to grasp your gymnast’s coping model. In case your gymnast likes to go inward and stay silent after a foul meet, do not power her to speak. The aim is to respect the way in which she copes and to foster an setting by which she will be able to be happy to deal with a foul meet in a means that works for her.


2. Do not clarify to her what she may have achieved in a different way with the intention to enhance sooner or later

Your gymnast is upset. She’s upset in herself. And he or she needs she had turned out a greater meet. 

However she does not want to listen to how she may have achieved higher in that very second. Whilst you is likely to be tempted to offer some technical recommendation so your gymnast can enhance sooner or later, now’s NOT the time.

Write notes for your self and when her feelings have cooled off and the meet is just not so uncooked, then you may probably have a dialog together with her about stuff you might need observed at her meet. Take word, nevertheless…even that is one thing I would not recommend you do since your position is to be a mum or dad (and let her coach be coach).

However generally gymnasts like to debate their meets and when you really feel it is applicable, giving some observations is likely to be useful to your gymnast. This would possibly seem like: “I observed that you just had your head down on flooring throughout your routine” or “I observed you rushed by means of your bar routine.”

Simply be sure to do not spew out a listing of corrections proper after your gymnast’s dangerous meet. Her mind is not able to obtain it AND you may find yourself doing extra injury to her already fragile ego. 

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3. Do not examine her to her teammates

Issues like: “Effectively you did not do as dangerous as _________(insert teammate’s title)” or “At the least you were not final” usually are not useful statements after your gymnast has a foul meet.

I feel it goes with out saying however feedback like “Wow, _________(insert teammate’s title) bought first throughout! Is not that nice?!” can also be not useful after your gymnast is coming off an unsuccessful competitors of her personal.

Your gymnast does not should really feel in comparison with anybody else. Likelihood is, her disappointment is in letting herself down and never residing as much as her personal expectations. If you begin throwing in comparisons to her teammates, you have given her cause to really feel extra badly about her means. And a few gymnasts are aware of how they examine to their teammates already.

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It is essential that any comparisons made are between your gymnast and her personal previous performances. Keep away from any kind of comparability to different gymnasts.


4. Do be a sounding board on your gymnast

In case your gymnast is the talkative kind when her feelings are excessive, then be her sounding board. Enable your gymnast to vent with out providing recommendation. Whereas that is troublesome for a lot of dad and mom to do, chances are high your gymnast simply desires you to pay attention. 

It is common to wish to leap in with recommendation. Whether or not it is giving a technical correction or telling your gymnast why she should not be so upset, I guarantee you that your gymnast is not open to receiving this info from you presently.

The very best plan of action is to let your gymnast speak about her disappointment if she desires to. And to permit her to be silent about it if she desires to. Let your gymnast lead your actions as an alternative of the opposite means round. 

One factor that I’ve discovered to be useful for gymnasts is for you (their mum or dad) to share tales of your individual disappointment. Whereas I do not recommend doing this proper after your gymnast’s dangerous meet, you would possibly point out a narrative of your individual disappointment in a while within the week to indicate her that you just perceive what it is like. Planting these seeds of empathy might help your gymnast belief you extra absolutely sooner or later when she’s in an identical scenario once more.


5. Do concentrate on what you are going to do after the meet

Earlier than her meet has began, it is all the time a good suggestion to have a plan for what to do after her meet is over. You would possibly plan out dinner or take-out meals or going dwelling and watching a film earlier than the meet even begins so your gymnast already has one thing to concentrate on past the meet. 

However when you hadn’t mentioned it earlier than the meet, then proper after your gymnast’s meet is over, talk about your subsequent plan. This will get your gymnast’s thoughts onto one thing else and does not enable her to wallow in her disappointment.

If you recognize she likes to eat ice cream after a disappointing meet, then recommend going for ice cream. If you recognize she likes to go inward and wallow for a bit, then recommend going dwelling and watching a film or curling up in pajamas. Forcing your gymnast to exit after her meet to attempt to cheer her up when she prefers to remain silent is unhelpful.


After your gymnast has a foul meet, it is pure to wish to cheer her up or to level out her strengths. However most gymnasts have to cope in their very own means which incorporates feeling their disappointment in a means that is sensible to them. Consequently, it is essential as her mum or dad that you just perceive how your gymnast finest copes and to permit her to manage on this means. Meaning not providing recommendation or making an attempt to direct how she manages her disappointment. 

It additionally means permitting her to really feel her emotions with out invalidating them and listening to her along with your full consideration if she’s venting about her meet. 

Having a plan for what to do after the meet can take among the sting of disappointment away as nicely, particularly when you’ve got one thing deliberate that may assist your gymnast really feel higher.

Whereas dealing with disappointment after a foul meet is rarely simple for any gymnast, having a supportive mum or dad who permits her to really feel her emotions and cope in her personal means might help your gymnast handle her feelings higher and get previous this disappointment extra rapidly.



If you happen to or your gymnast wants assist, along with the assets beneath I additionally supply one-on-one teaching classes through Zoom.


Gymnastics Mental Block Guidebook for Parents - Stick It Girl


Useful Hyperlinks:


  • Free Downloads: Get free gymnastics downloads to assist your gymnast work on her psychological abilities in gymnastics.
  • Stick It Lady Academy: Enroll your gymnast in my membership neighborhood the place she will be able to study completely different psychological coaching strategies and get on a weekly LIVE name with myself and different aggressive gymnasts. 
  • Free Fb Group for Mothers of Gymnasts: Be part of this group to talk with different gymnastics mothers and get ideas for the best way to assist your gymnast navigate by means of the psychological ups and downs of gymnastics


Gymnastics Mental Coach Anna Kojac, M.Ed.


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