Bannerific SWAGs for the Boston Celtics 2024-25 season

The 2023-24 season exceeded all expectations and delivered a brand new banner that can be unveiled on the outset of this coming season. So my annual custom of previewing the yr with SWAGs (foolish, wild, astounding, guesses) faces a novel problem. How do I make these SWAGs …properly, foolish and wild sufficient? Problem accepted.

The Celtics end the common season 81-1

The Celtics will lose a recreation someday in late November and Joe Mazzulla can be so annoyingly gleeful in stating all of the crew’s errors in that recreation that all of them vow to not lose one other recreation simply to close him up.

Jokes on them although as a result of Joe begins preserving monitor of quarters received and misplaced. He makes up outrageous contests with prizes tailor-made to every participant. He arranges for Jaylen Brown to have dinner with a former Nobel Peace Prize winner. He builds a miniature sized Busch Stadium in Jayson Tatum’s yard so Deuce can play wiffleball there.

When the crew nearly blows a 30-point lead, he has all of them thrown right into a cage with growling wolves… solely to disclose that they’re truly simply properly disguised canines that simply need to play catch.

For crew bonding, Joe groups up with an area Escape Room to recreate robbing Fenway Park on location.

Every button he pushes works like a allure and folks begin referring to him as Savant Mazzulla.

Photograph by Maddie Malhotra/Boston Purple Sox/Getty Photographs

Co-MVPs for Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown

Each shoot 45% from three on excessive quantity. Each put up jaw dropping stats and unselfishly share the ball and the limelight. The ball whips round, individuals instinctively make the subsequent proper move which (wouldn’t you already know it) finally ends up discovering the correct individuals in the correct place which often means Tatum and Brown.

Their chemistry is off the charts as they play a flawless 2-man recreation, run complete quick breaks with out dribbling, and even begin to end one another’s sandwiches. No person can determine who to provide the MVP to, so they only make two trophies and hand them to the fellows (who instantly move backwards and forwards simply out of behavior).

Photograph by Barry Chin/The Boston Globe by way of Getty Photographs

Co-coach of the Yr awards for Joe Mazzulla and Sam Cassell

I do know what you’re pondering. “I get Joe profitable, however how does lead assistant Sam Cassell issue into this?” Effectively, someday round Christmas, Mazzulla goes to make use of his martial arts coaching to cease a gang of thugs from robbing an orphanage. Within the means of combating, he’ll injure his legs and his physician will insist on him taking six weeks off.

Cassell will fill in admirably, giving the very best sideline interviews and usually lighting up the world along with his beaming smile. He’ll go undefeated in his stint, however graciously offers credit score to Joe’s management and fortunately hand the clipboard again to Mazzulla in early February.

Co-Sixth Man awards for Payton Pritchard and Sam Hauser

Each have 50-40-90 seasons (and a excessive 40’s on 3’s) main the best way on a dominant 2nd unit that will make the play-in recreation in the event that they have been a separate crew. “Why simply the play-in” you ask? Effectively, they wouldn’t have loads of depth with simply 9 gamers. Although I assume you may promote some extra Maine Celtics (who’re additionally going to win their league title).

Simply give all of them the awards

You recognize what, if this crew does find yourself profitable 80+ video games, you would possibly as properly hand all of them the awards. All Star and All-NBA groups, simply the Celtics roster. All-Protection, the Celtics starters. Rookie of the Yr, Baylor Scheierman. Most Improved, Jordan Walsh.

MTV Music Awards Music of the Yr, “Simply Do It” by Jaylen Brown. Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism co-awarded to Al Horford and Jrue Vacation. Possibly Boston doesn’t win the Clutch awards as a result of there are too many blowouts. Michael Jordan goes on document as saying, “naw, I couldn’t have beat these guys.”

Banner 19

It goes with out saying that they’ll increase one other banner on the finish of all this. They’ll beat powerful competitors (absolutely wholesome this time) and depart little doubt about who the beat crew within the land is.

And naturally, a vocal minority within the media will nonetheless discover methods to second guess and try to discredit their accomplishments.

Benefit from the yr! Go Celtics!!!